im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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