Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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