Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize