i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
