You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
