let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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