You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
