my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
