the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Success! We fucked roommates!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
