great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm just crazy horny about you
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
