She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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