i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Ladies don't puke and tell
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
