I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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