i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
