I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
how drunk are you?
Several
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
