when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
