this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
