At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
