Grow some girl-balls and come out already
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
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