btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
