My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My breasts were aching with rage.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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