my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
