Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
