Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
