She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
