Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Four minutes until I can fart!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
