Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
