Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
