I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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