You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
