Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
