:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
