Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize