I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
