I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
