They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
