Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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