Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
is that a dick in a sweater?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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