Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
