what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
In America we eat man semen.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just gift wrapped bread.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Everclear isn't food dammit
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
