Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
