I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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