Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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