I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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