I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
