There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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