9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
