your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Randomize
