Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
