very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I think I sprained my soul last night
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
