I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
