Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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