you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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