Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
