I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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