They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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