My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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