She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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