He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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