Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
