Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
you inspire me to be a worse person
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
