i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
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