he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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