where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
