woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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