I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just invented taco cereal.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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