as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
This toilet bowl is my home.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
