I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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