Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
im having a threesome with these popsicles
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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