Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
