Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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