Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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