he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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