that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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