we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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