If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
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