do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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