Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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