I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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