Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
There r osticjed everywhere
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
im on a boat
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