i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
