WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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