Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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