Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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