I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
