just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
