Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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