u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize