Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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