i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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