If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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