Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
