i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
